I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All the doctor said was why
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize