Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
