It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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