but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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