this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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