So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
