So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
