i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
