Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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