Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
