youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
