Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
they need to just BURY HIM!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
