I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
