Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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