You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
