Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
