I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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