wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
