I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
