i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
