My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
