im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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