Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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