I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
