I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
