One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
