I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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