ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
