sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
