i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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