he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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