I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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