i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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