how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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