Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
