your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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