When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize