the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
