If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize