ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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