Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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