Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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