I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
