Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
