If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
