Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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