omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
