I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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