Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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