I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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