Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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