This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize