So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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