im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
