Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
