im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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