I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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