that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
