Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize