God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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