I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
