I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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