Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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