is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We have so much sex to catch up on
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize