Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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