Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
porn star boner night. come get it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
