there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
