Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
