How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
