would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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