def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am naked and annoyed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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