I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
