Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
