he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
