I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
