The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
