I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
