I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
